“You are the most influential player on this team. If you walk around defeated, so will they.” – Facing the Giants
We are influencing someone. Our actions inspire someone to do something. In the home we are privileged to exercise leadership in God’s format; by his design. To someone in your family, you are the most influential person in their life–whether good or bad.
You have been given a mantle of responsibility, of leadership, by God, that requires you to stand out in front and lead by example. Undoubtedly, mothers have influence as well, but God has ordained men to be the heads of families, for men to be the ones that the family learns how to be like Jesus from and how to love the world. Every child and every wife should feel that their husband knows the Lord more than they do. How can a father be expected to teach his family if the family (mother or children) is more knowledgeable about spiritual things? What if students knew more than their teachers? This implies that the Lord grants understanding and discernment in a different way to the father. Certainly the woman possess these things, but not in the same way that the man does.
Fathers and husbands are strong. Not always in a physical sense, but many times they are. But even if their physical strength is lacking, they possess a strong inclination for the well-being of their flock. They are born with a sense of confrontation that drives them to defeat anything that seeks to harm those under their care. The leading man in the house should be seen and known as one who protects his family and sacrifices everything for them–his life, his food, his possessions, and anything that would make the family more vulnerable to attack from something or someone outside. Spiritual or physical attack. What distracts you from being this man of leadership? Get rid of it. Claim your responsibility and shoulder it with pride and enthusiasm. Every wife and every child will see your dedication, submission, and commitment to your ordained place in life and will be inspired to fulfill theirs as well. Just as they watch you, you are watching someone too. Is it Jesus? If so, it will be evident. Is it your friends, yourself, culture–mankind? If so, it will be evident? Just remember, that rebellion in God’s kingdom is not met with ungodly discipline and condemnation. It is met with peace, long suffering, patience, and love. Always teach the truth, but be patient and always encourage your family to follow the right path; never crushing them for insubordination and never frustrating them to the point that they want to give up because you have made it impossible to reach your standards. Never waiver on truth and always leave room for reconciliation and change. Remember God’s patience with you as he molds you into the leader you are called to be and do the same for those under your charge.
Your children are watching your every move; they need and depend on you so much. You are the intermediary between them and their father. When they were born, you handed the child to them (in a manner of speaking). You present the child to their father as a gift; as one who has been shaped and formed by you. They have been given to you for a reason. They fall directly under your sphere of influence. Whereas the father is expected to raise and carry the standard for the whole family and oversee the family’s purpose, the mother is expected to engage in the physical, spiritual, and emotional development of their children first and foremost. Again, fathers do this as well, but when in a heightened position of leadership one is unable to rub elbows with those below them to the degree that lower level leadership can. By design, that is truth. Fathers set the standard of love by interacting with their wives and children in a Christlike way, by serving them through sacrifice and personal devotion, teaching the whole family the precepts of the Lord. Mothers have traditionally, by God’s design, spent the most time with the children, and are called to demonstrate not only a commitment to truth and love, but to pass on a bond that can only come through a mother’s love. Fathers do not give birth and cannot possess the same connection to their babies that mothers can. It is impossible. Nature declares this truth. Look at almost any animal in the world and you will see the difference between the roles of a mother and a father.
This teaching is not popular today, but it is straight from the Bible. Straight from the Apostle Paul who wrote the majority of the New Testament. Wives and mothers should not be the gatekeepers to their family’s spiritual, physical, and emotional well being. This is the father’s role–meaning that he ensures that these areas are being taken care of. At times he may have to come in close and correct, encourage, and fill in the gaps where the mother is not able. Perhaps the mother was not cared for by her parents and was never enabled to love the way God would have her to. THIS IS THE WHOLE POINT. YOU WATCHED YOUR PARENTS. This mother learned by watching her mother and her father. This process should lead to the mother gaining understanding of her role and eventually rising to it. How blessed are children and a husband who experience a wife and mother who has taken her place in the family and is always seeking to fulfill her leadership role as the one who directly helps/assists in the growth and development of her family. She can do something that her husband cannot if she is operating in a Biblical way. She gets to have a connection with her children that the husband will not, if she is operating in a Biblical way. Why do you think the athlete on T.V. always exclaims “Hi mom!”? Be the mother to your children that God has ordained you to be and be the wife to your husband that God has ordained you to be and seek nothing more. For this is your calling and what an amazing and special one it is.
Realize that someone in your home is watching you. The way you act is the way that they will act–why would you expect something different? What does this inspire you to do? Hopefully you recognize the need to fully submit to the Lord and his guidance so that you can pass that spirit on to whoever is under your charge. If you try to go alone, or follow worldly advice and passions, then you will demonstrate to those who are by default, your followers, that an ungodly and selfish way of life is acceptable. We are a family of God and we have a map of how to successfully be one–the Bible. This world has its own understanding, but we do not follow the world. Look in the faces of those in your family who belong to you and picture them behaving, speaking, and feeling the way that you do. If that is unsettling, change it. Ask the Lord for strength to humble yourself and submit to Him. Jesus desperately wants us to unify as a family so that we can show everyone how to truly love others unconditionally; which can only be accomplished when we view others as more important than ourselves.
*REMEMBER THIS: We have all learned by our parents how to live ungodly and selfish lives in some way. Every human being has sinned and has passed their failures onto their children. But the humility that comes with submitting to the Lord will be your greatest asset as you work through those difficulties, that confusion, when you are fulfilling your role of leadership in the family. Jesus will guide you through those bad habits you learned from your caregivers, but He requires you to own it yourself.